Wandering The Rabbit Hole

"Without fanfare or even notice, the Department of Justice’s Office on Violence Against Women made significant changes to its definition of domestic violence in April. The Obama-era definition was expansive, vetted by experts including the National Center for Victims of Crime and the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The Trump administration’s definition is substantially more limited and less informed, effectively denying the experiences of victims of abuse by attempting to cast domestic violence as an exclusively criminal concern. The previous definition included critical components of the phenomenon that experts recognize as domestic abuse—a pattern of deliberate behavior, the dynamics of power and control, and behaviors that encompass physical or sexual violence as well as forms of emotional, economic, or psychological abuse. But in the Trump Justice Department, only harms that constitute a felony or misdemeanor crime may be called domestic violence. So, for exa...

Love. In today's society so many people think that love is butterflies, or passion. That feeling you feel that gives you butterflies, or makes you obsess. The one that makes you feel like all is right in the world and nothing could ever go wrong. Love is what makes you feel good. You. It's all about you. But what if we are wrong. Love isn't just about what you feel. It's the effect it has on others. It just the purity that resonates in the world around you. Love is seeing someone interact the people who mean the most to you. Love is watching them Embrace who you are and who your family is. Love is understanding that things are different. But that's okay. Love is knowing that things can be scary, things may be awkward, things can be downright weird. But love embraces all of that. It takes  things in stride and understand boundaries. It expands in the darkest corners of your mind and heart, places that you didn't know existed. Love isn't only fire in your ve...

The amount if joy you can uncover when you learn to love yourself...   I have been so afraid to love myself the last 8 years.  My body has changed so much, both emotionally and physically. I have have carried 7 children and birthed 3. My heart has cried and my body has worn the effect. My sorrow has been close for years.  But I've learned how to embrace who I am, or am learning. I am different than the child I was. I'm different than the young woman I thought I would be. I have learned that loss and heartbreak can either tear you apart and destroy, or it can build the most beautiful version of yourself. My body is beautiful. Every scar, every stretch mark, every mark it has born is important. It tells my story. It tells the story of every tear I cried of joy and  of sorrow. It tells the story of fear and pain. It tells how I grew from a girl to a woman. It tells how I learned how to say no, and how I learned how to take control. It tells how life can change on...

Recently a lot has been on my mind. Balancing work, bills and spending time with my Loves. I'm going to be honest I'm struggling, I'm struggling to maintain confidence in who I am and what I can do. I keep saying that I want to do bigger better brighter things and yet I short-circuit and myself; I doubt myself. I think thoughts that haven't even been presented to me. I imagine what other people think of me before I even meet them. I believe that I'm not worthy for something before I even apply. But why? Why do I give myself so much grief. I should be my biggest supporter. I should be the one cheering myself that I'm reaching for dreams. I'm so afraid of failing that sometimes I don't even try. How do I know what I'm capable of unless I do try. Unless I figure out what I can do. The last two weeks I've had to deal with car accident in filing claims, fixing my vehicle, renting a car, finding out that my car is totaled. Having to figure out ho...

Open letter to the friends I've lost after divorce..... It is okay. Sh*t happens. People part ways, people grow and change. And sometimes, in the most difficult times of life, you realize that the friends you had are not the friends that you needed in that portion of life. Or losing them helps shape who you need to be. But knowing that doesn't stop the ache. I miss you. I miss our comradery. I miss our memories. I miss our laughter. I miss sharing the new Joys that I found in life. It's sad that our friendship ended when my marriage did. Let's be honest. Divorce is brutal. It tears you apart in ways you never thought imaginable. I shut a lot of people out when I was in the middle of my divorce. Mostly because I did not understand my pain but I also  didn't know how to explain it to those who are closest to me. And when I needed the most help I tried asking for help the only ways I knew, but my signals and cries for help were never recognized and respondedto as ...