Open Letter To The Friends I Lost

Open letter to the friends I've lost after divorce.....

It is okay. Sh*t happens. People part ways, people grow and change. And sometimes, in the most difficult times of life, you realize that the friends you had are not the friends that you needed in that portion of life. Or losing them helps shape who you need to be.

But knowing that doesn't stop the ache. I miss you. I miss our comradery. I miss our memories. I miss our laughter. I miss sharing the new Joys that I found in life. It's sad that our friendship ended when my marriage did.

Let's be honest. Divorce is brutal. It tears you apart in ways you never thought imaginable.
I shut a lot of people out when I was in the middle of my divorce. Mostly because I did not understand my pain but I also  didn't know how to explain it to those who are closest to me. And when I needed the most help I tried asking for help the only ways I knew, but my signals and cries for help were never recognized and respondedto as dire. So I stopped asking. So it came as a surprise a lot of our friends that we were divorcing and then they choose sides.

People don't realize that when you go through a divorce that you lose more than a marriage and a spouse. You miss those "our" friends. You miss the friends that you both had. Because whether you realize it or not people choose sides. They try not to, they may say they don't care, that they want what's best for you. Unfortunately, that's not necessarily what happens. Friends choose sides.

I wanted you to be there for me, for us, for the kids. Whether you agree with our decisions or not. I needed you. I prayed for you and your support. With you guys gone I thought my world ended. The people I thought were there were gone. I then withdrew from the friends who have constantly been there and held my hand when I fell apart. I'm not blaming you, far from it. It is heartbreaking how I chose to deal with my pain. I felt guilty over something I should never been ashamed of standing up for.

I went through the darkest time of my life having to find myself and figure out who God made me to be and what I needed to be for my family. I learned to love myself, and who I am created to be. I learned  my value and the value of family and constant support, even when you shut them out. I learned that when you learn to love yourself and that you are worthy of a beautiful life, you embrace it. Changed and heartbreaking as it may be, you grow 10x more then you ever could. I learned that true and constant friends are willing weep with you over heartbreak and rejoice over your happiness and little victories.

I was made with Joy to create Joy. I don't need others to determine my happiness and joy. I am Beautiful and I was made to give beauty.  Happiness isn't determined by what you can give me or what I need.  It is what I can give by loving you, and everyone placed in my life.

So I do love you. I SO love you. I miss you. I want to tell you all the beautiful, wonderful things in my and my Children's life, I want to tell you how my heart is healing and about my loves. I want to tell you my sorrows and of the things that frustrate. I want to relish in our companionship.

But I know it will never be the same will it?

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