Wandering The Rabbit Hole

  Drifting and swirling in a dark ocean of mire. Drowning with thoughts of fear and desire. Waves crashing and swelling high, Sinking in the deep with a strangled cry. The pull of despair and wretchedness so strong What will become of it, if one is gone.   Is hope too far, too long to grasp? Is a calm too much to ask? Enough for reprieve, Enough to just breathe. Long enough for strength to gain. A break from this raging storm of anguish and pain.   Let there be a lifesaver   Send some love or a little joy A fighting chance against that which destroy. Send a ship, lend a hand. Send some light. Even a little strand. Something to guide and relieve the fear. To pierce the dark, ‘cause hope is near.   Is felicity too far, beyond grasp? Is a courage too much to ask? Enough for reprieve, Enough to just breathe. Long enough for strength to gain. A break from this raging storm of anguish and pain.   Let the...

I hate change. A lot. This should be funny given that I have gone though so many stages of change in the short 31 years I have called my life. But it isn't. (As I wipe away tears while laughing). I really like consistency and dependability. I like the feeling of being so sure and confident in what you are doing that there is no moment of hesitation.  But, HELLO WORLD! Change is inevitable.  Dependability isn't always probable, and confidence? Isn't that where you say "Hell Yeah!" to new opportunities even though you are so nervous, BECAUSE you believe in yourself and what you can do? Right? No matter whether blind sided by the unexpected, or openly embraced change has always been a very difficult thing for me. The past few months have been a strange dream. Where I feel separated from my body, watching as things happen around me. I have no say in what happens. No choice in how life flows.  It has been a struggle to forgive myself for the panic my body and mind unde...